married w/out kids

at 39 weeks... mom is flying in tomorrow (countdown continues...)

i wanted to remind myself of some of the wonderful memories chris & i made during the 9 months we were expecting you baby, because it would be nice to be reminded later when life before you becomes a distant memory and it's hard to remember what it was like to be married without kids ;) heh

our "babymoon" to Iceland (babymoon in quotes because we didn't intend for it to be a babymoon, but when we found out about you, we saw little reason to change plans previously made-- it was always my intention for us to continue to explore the world as a married couple, it just took longer to plan and execute a trip that is solely for us (not a trip for family or friends) than when we were single. But we did it! (Pictures of some of the highlights from our trip).

Relaxing in the famous Blue Lagoon spa

k-i-s-s-i-n-g at the blue lagoon <3

Chasing rainbows around the amazing countryside in our sadcar...

the jokusarlon glacial lagoon

explorers on an expedition ;) jk

having the best pizza of our lives!! :D

harpa concert hall in reyjavik

gentle icelandic ponies *pet* *pet*

this was so true...

and so we were very happy with our northface jacket purchases

What a beautiful and special place to visit!

we also went on "mon-dates"... well, just dates :) here are a few of the more memorable ones going from the most recent to earlier in the pregnancy (the two breakfasts bookended our iceland trip).

Morning Bun at Tartine Bakery, SF

Palace of Fine Arts, SF

16th Ave. tiled steps, SF

32nd bday dinner at little italy, SJ

Watching a sharks game courtesy of youth parents, SJ

Best doughnuts for breakfast at Lola, Seattle

Fancy breakfast at Sarabeth's, NY

Watching "Wicked" the musical, SJ

Viking + Pineapple (Halloween at Everglow)

Pigeon Point lighthouse (Pescadero, CA)

Paddle boating at Shoreline Park, Mtn View (first signs of m/s)

Hope you have the same enthusiasm for adventure and seeing the world... we are looking forward to going on adventures as a family of 3.

come soon, baby, there's so much to see and experience in this world! :)

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As we near the end of 38 weeks and enter into the 39th, i can honestly say i'm surprised i made it this far... i'm not sure why, but on a certain level i was sure our baby would arrive earlier than later. statistics seem to favor first babies to come later, but maybe b/c of friends having their babies before hitting the 40 weeks mark made me think our baby would also come before 40 weeks. i was almost certain of the likelihood of him arriving over president's day weekend during the church's youth retreat (an extra dramatic entrance! everyone would pray for us). then i was equally not surprised when nothing happened, mostly b/c of the thought that god knows when the youth retreat would be and when my due date would be more than 9 months ago, and would likely not have them coincide since that would work better b/c chris can focus on one thing at a time. it could have gone either way, like gender, i can make my guesses based on nothing more than conjecture (like trying to interpret fizzes from a baking soda test), and that is the best anyone can do to know.

in the end, it made for a slightly anxious weekend, especially as i read up on signs of early labor and wondered at every twinge and pang, wondering if the moment has arrived.

the general feeling of these days is playing the waiting game. there's little left on the to-do list, it's nice to know things are done that need to be done and we're ready... but then there's also less tasks to keep me occupied while we are waiting for the big moment and the unknown. what would labor and delivery be like? would my water breaking be a leak or a gush? how will it all begin? ...you can read and know so much about it, but there's nothing like the knowing that comes from experience. 

anyway, this post was supposed to be a placeholder for blog topics that i wanted to cover from the pregnancy in case labor arrives before i finish writing them down (highly likely, i think :P having been averaging one post per week)... here they are:

-highlights from iceland (& other fun things we got to do as a couple during the pregnancy)
-confessions of a pregnant woman (rules i adhered to and rules i broke) 
-the good, the bad, and the weird of pregnancy symptoms (m/s, cravings, etc) 
-my obsession regarding the baby bathtub (baby gear and fear)
-feeling the first kick (being a parent changes you forever)
-to tell or not to tell (vol 1. trusting god; vol 2. the name game) 
-the first ultrasound (the heartbeat heard around the world)
-first signs of pregnancy (beginnings)

well, baby will be here soon enough...  ideal timing would be next week :P -- but i suppose the first lesson of pregnancy and parenthood is that so much is out of your control and the need to embrace the utter unpredictability, inconvenience, and joy of having little people in your life.

Mission Peak Hike at 7 months

I started blogging so late in the game that I might as well work backwards to document the pregnancy. I have a feeling it'll read more like an impressionistic painting, as I've already forgotten some profound moments/thoughts I've had along the way... heh. Also, we are working on a time crunch here (currently at 37 weeks), so impressionistic snippets are going to work best for my current level of energy and time constraint (taking advantage of chris being at bball to blog from his laptop, which i prefer over my slow computer these days). 

At 7 months pregnant, I decided to take on the challenge of hiking mission peak in Fremont, CA. It would have been a challenging hike even when not pregnant, for someone not in the best shape like me, since it's pretty much a straight 3 miles uphill climb to the top and back (6 miles of moderate to strenuous trail)...

Sunset View from Mission Peak (Fremont, CA)

I wanted to do the hike during the second trimester, as a personal physical challenge. You see, in 2008, I had the amazing opportunity to hike half-dome in Yosemite with a group of friends. We made it all the way up the cables to the very top, where the scenery and beauty of Yosemite Valley rivaled only my deep sense of accomplishment. Although there were other hikers along the trail who were more in shape and seemingly having a breezy time of it, half-dome can be a difficult hike for amateurs. There were times along the way that I wanted to stop, especially after the initial climb up vernal falls (which I have affectionately since refer to as the black steps of death :P) which made me nauseous and faint (dehydration + food) so early on in our 12 hour hiking day that I wondered whether I had made a horrible mistake and whether I would prove to be a burden on our group if I could not continue... It, however, being so early on in our hiking trip, I had no choice but to continue... and that was the closest I came to giving up-- the rest of the hike was long (took us from sunrise to sunset to complete the 13 mile hike) and the switchbacks brutal at the end, but every step of the way brought me closer to the goal and having friends along the way and not having the option of quitting made me extremely proud of the mental and physical battle I fought to make it finally to the top. The jelly legs and soreness the next day were well worth the mountain top experience. What a rush! There's nothing quite like pushing beyond what you believe you are physically capable of-- it is as much of a physical as mental challenge, and all it takes is taking one step at a time. and not giving up.

This was the personal challenge I wanted to tackle during pregnancy because to me, labor and delivery seems very much like a physical and mental challenge-- and I wanted the satisfaction of having accomplished something similar during the pregnancy. Mission peak is an abridged version of half-dome, anyone can hike it, though it is physically challenging for those not in the best shape--it was the perfect candidate. Chris and I talked about doing the hike, and we originally thought the best time would be sometime during the second trimester, as things do get physically harder and harder as the pregnancy progresses... we tried once in the second trimester, but got rained out on the day we initially chose for the hike. Then we sort of forgot all about it... until New Year's Eve, when I was suddenly reminded of my desire to take on mission peak. What a tremendous way to begin the new year, the year of us becoming parents, i thought to myself.. except, well, by now, I am entering my third trimester and haven't really been regularly exercising (we'd still do our neighborhood walks, albeit less and less consistently :p) and both of us had doubts whether it is the best idea to do such a strenuous hike at this point in the pregnancy. I was nervous and a bit apprehensive, I suppose Chris had his doubts too, but I was also determined to at least try--- we finally decided to try only if the obgyn doesn't object (she did not, not really), then we would be smart about it (eg, stop if it gets to be too much for me).

We got up early and went on New Year's Day. well, a bizillion other people had the same idea... the trail head had a bathroom line 15 people long, and cars lined all the neighboring streets nearby in several directions. It would be a hike just to get to the trail head, and I definitely would need to use the bathroom before the hike. it would have been a circus-- disappointed, but in agreement, we turned and left the trail head. 

the following monday, we tried again... and this time, weather and people conditions cooperated! we were able to finally hike mission peak.  I was determined to get to the top, and each step brought me closer to my goal, and so surprisingly, I largely enjoyed the process. It wasn't easy physically, from the very beginning to the very end, it was s-l-o-w going. As expected, on the climb up, I had to frequently stop and take breaks to catch my breath and calm my heart. On the return trip, which I usually relish as easier, I had to be vigilant about keeping my balance. Going downhill demanded constant attention and effort to maintain my center of gravity, which was unexpected (something new because of my pregnant body), it took longer and was way more tiring than expected. Despite the physical fatigue and slow progress, the hike wasn't hard because I was renewed by the knowledge that I was getting to do what I wanted to do, I had my husband's support every step along the way, and that as long as I kept going, I would make it as long as I got to go at my own pace. The weather was cool, there were some cows to look at along the way, and the view got more and more amazing... there were times when I wasn't sure how far we've come and how far we've still got to go, every curve of the trail seem to bring us better views of the bay area yet no closer to the top, and later I would find out that chris did have some doubt along the way (unvoiced thankfully)--- oblivious to his doubts, i was determined and undeterred, and kept going. We made it. It took all day, but we made it. At 7 months pregnant, it is a small achievement to hike mission peak.

"Lots of new challenges for 2015... ready to take them on! (Phil 4:13)" - Facebook

If this challenge is anything analogous to labor and delivery, I hope it has taught me the courage to continue towards the goal by focusing just on doing one contraction at a time (step by step). By mentally being 'in the game' and having the confidence that it something I can do will help make the experience better... (i guess the difficulty is that labor will be a new experience, versus hiking which I know i can do, so there is some unknown b/c of the pain factor there; still, i can see how a determined positive attitude can make a world of difference)... and having the encouraging support of loved ones (friends for yosemite; chris for mission peak) -- it's not something chris can do for me, i have to climb and do the hard work myself... but having him along the way and knowing he's beside me every step of the way, that i'm not alone, helps a great deal. Lastly, that I can go at my own pace. more recently, I have some fears that hospital staff may have their own agenda and timeline for how labor should progress and would want to hurry things along (and suggest medical interventions which may or may not be helpful, well, helpful/convenient/better for them versus helpful/convenient/best for me :p). i'm not always confident i can advocate for myself in the face of medical professional/authority, but there is nothing so important as this and i hope that i can be assertive if need be. either way, there would have been no way i could have made the mission peak hike if i had to go at anybody else's pace but my own, and i hope when labor comes, i will be allowed to let my body lead the way.

"Couldn't have made it to the top without the support of this guy :) homestretch" - instagram

It was good to be reminded of our hike two months ago, especially as we near the end of the pregnancy. A reminder that I can be a tough little thing when the occasion calls for it. Wisdom is knowing when to be determined and when to ask for help :)

Maternity Capsule Wardrobe

Maternity Capsule Wardrobe

My style is simple casual... and for someone who doesn't shop a whole lot and who doesn't care too much for fashion (that's a topic worth its own entry), it has been an incredible arduous process to get my wardrobe into shape. Let's just say I've been working on it ever since post-college, and it's *still* a work in progress.

Now out of sheer irony and great luck, pregnancy gave me the capsule wardrobe I've been coveting but never quite managed to achieve in the past few years :)

Behold, my 14-piece maternity capsule wardrobe!

3 short-sleeve tops: Style & Co patterned top, Eddie Bauer dry-fit shirt, Liz Lange Maternity gray tee
4 long-sleeve shirts: Old Navy shirts in gray and navy, Zara striped shirt, Gap Maternity black top
1 jacket: Uniqlo tan down jacket
2 pairs of pants: Gap maternity black leggings, Liz Lange Maternity jeans
1 Bella Band in black
3 pairs of shoes: sneakers, loafers, ballet flats
+ accessories (scarf, necklaces), and does not include special occasion wear (1-2 dresses) and PJs/lounge at home/exercise clothes (chris' bball shorts, yoga pants, t-shirts, sweatpants, etc) :P

How?

Well, laziness may have something to do with it ;) it's hard to shop for new clothes knowing your body may change shape and size in a month or two, so I only purchased items as they became necessary to accommodate my growing bump. What did I buy? 1 pair of maternity jeans on sale at target for $15. best purchase ever. the stretchy waistband can be folded over during earlier stages of pregnancy, and now covers the entire belly in my third trimester. without this pair of dark denim jeans, i would have no pants to wear out in public now... lol 0_o  i really should purchase another pair of maternity pants in case anything should happens to this pair, but with only a month to go, i don't really feel like it! I also bought a striped long-sleeve shirt from Zara ($20) when my other shirts didn't quite cover over my jeans anymore--- just a shirt that's long enough to go over leggings to provide the length i needed for better coverage and some style (stripes).   

the luck bit is that i carried small--- i was able to use pieces from my regular closet through most of the first and second trimester. i put away anything that was not comfortable early on, and only kept pieces which are loose enough to continue to be worn the next few months... luck would also provide me the rest of the 'maternity'-specific clothes through hand-me-downs by friends. i didn't end up keeping the majority of what others passed down due to size and style differences, and in the end, kept only a few very basic pieces that i can wear everyday (gray tee, black shirt, black leggings & bella band). luck would also have us living in california, meaning that even though my third trimester is over winter, i didn't need any winter maternity wear... an unzipped jacket works just fine. luck would also have me at home, so there was no need for a separate set of work clothes. casual clothing is appropriate for 90% of what i do, and that is lucky because it significantly cuts down on pieces i need for day-to-day activities. 

So luck and circumstances have created for me the capsule wardrobe i've always wanted... and this is what i've learned:

-i understand better now what fashion bloggers mean when they talk about having basic pieces that work with each other (similar color scheme means more versatility- everything goes with everything else). it seems so boring to buy black/white or gray tops... except they are necessary and totally work.
-less is more! less options makes dressing easier (whenever i feel like i have nothing to wear, it probably means i have too many things that don't work together, which means if i ever feel like i have nothing to wear in the future, i am going to try getting rid of stuff first!) 
-accessories are helpful (i still need to learn how to accessorize more and how to layer properly. that's like level up :P)
  
i am happier with my closet nowadays because even though the clothes i have are very simple/basic, they are comfortable, fit correctly for my body and matches my current lifestyle needs. the irony is that it took my pregnancy to teach me a lesson about how to dress myself at a time when my body continues to change week to week-- hopefully these lessons will be recalled post-partum as i continue growing my personal style as a new mama. 

Better late than never...(?)

it's been forever since i've posted anything on this blog. somehow, entries here never came as easily as they did on xanga for me... i guess i never got the hang of it, plus, i miss the community of bloggers, if that makes any sense. still, i'm surprised to find more posts here than i expected, and twas entertaining to 'meet' my former self :P (i've forgotten completely about writing some of these entries). heh

my, how things have changed and remained constant.

well, the biggest news is that we are expecting a baby! :)

our boy is due to arrive in a month, and as we quickly near the end of my pregnancy, i have been itching to document the whole experience. i just wasn't sure how i wanted to do that-- this space just doesn't feel quite the same for sharing (it's been easier to keep a personal journal), and as the months ticked by, it became less and less of a priority. Oddly enough, as we near the end (36 weeks marker this week), the desire to record/process and share my experience resurfaced...

i am a writer at heart, after all.

it gives me joy to record my experience, writing helps me makes sense of experience and organize my thoughts, and most of all, it helps me remember--- i have a suspicion that memory will become more fuzzy with each passing year, and i would like to hold unto my current thoughts through this significant life transition. 

so, i have no idea how practical it will be to upkeep content once baby arrives. maybe it's less about practicality and more about discipline. and i have no idea if i would want a broader audience for what i share here or how to go about that, but i suppose the first step is just to get it down somewhere. so here we are, let's take a stab at it. i won't be too heartbroken if this ends up being the only new entry written in another two years ;)

mayday

wow, i can't believe it's already may...  days only lasts so long and weeks are flying by even with so very little on my plate these days.

it's a normal thursday, and the lius have definitely got our routine established. it's a nice one, filled with food, the latest show we're watching ('once upon a time' now replaced by 'running man'), lots of internet browsing/fb stalking (for me =P), and the occasional walk in the park. c found a really nice park near our place, lots of dog-walkers and joggers, kids playing soccer, and the very odd but consistent group of middle-aged asian men playing vball on the grass. it doesn't have the uphill workout of my diamond bar route, but friendly and pleasant enough on late afternoons.

it's such a good life.

i enjoy it whenever i can truly stop in the moment to think about how good life is and how fortunate we are to be able afford living off one-income in the silicon valley. i love how in sync we were when we chose our humble abode, it just makes perfect practical sense and fits our current needs to a tee (in-unit washer and dryer to boot! woot woot). we are debt-free and that's to the credit of our hardworking, thrifty, wise-investing parents (and to God, who truly takes care of those who love and serve him) 

the happy feelings don't always last long though, i'm continually plagued with guilt.

shouldn't i be working... or something???

i feel antsy, eager to be off and accomplishing incredible things (career-wise). the foremost being that i still haven't really achieved complete financial independence. that was a goal i had when i graduated from fuller, that i wanted to be financially independent in 2 years' time. working 3 part-times (totally not as scary as it sounds, since those three jobs equaled to one regular part-time job) never got me too far, only far enough to pay my own way through my own bills (still, that was fairly satisfying), dipping into a generous parent-given savings for the occasional splurge to see the world! (i would give up quite a few things for opportunities to see more of the world). i never got the chance to rent my own place, a little flat or studio to call my own as a single person with my own chosen drapery, sheets, and small kitchen things (i did get to re-paint my bathroom a fabulous lime green paired with vintage damask shower curtains, which was my initiation and foray into the world of color and design away from the eggshell of my parents' walls).

i know i'm not alone in this 20-something identity-crisis. others have questioned their calling/vocation/jobs, some have already switched careers... yet, year by year, peers have become more and more established in their chosen fields. i love getting together with my jr-h friends, and realizing we are career women now, our clothes and education background say so (2 doctors, 1 lawyer, 1 teacher, 1 therapist, 1 nurse-to-be)... though i still feel intimidated by those who can drop $300 on a bag or pair of shoes because of their choice to begin working straight out of college (impressive, unattainable for myself b/c i'd rather spend that money traveling). i guess i just thought i'd be there already...

in half a year's time, i'll be 30 and while i don't feel my age at all (i still feel 25! i still feel like i'm just out of college :p haha, i know that's not true. humor me), life is continually moving at a pace that feels slightly too quick and i realize that i value so highly productivity and not being wasteful, good values that are contributing to my restlessness and existential angst. (total first world problems :p)

i guess part of growing up is letting go and living confidently in the boundaries of what's available to each limited person's limited resources (time, skill, and money). How ironic that an abundance of choice actually erodes our happiness...anyway, i have a choice to make about my future, to continue to pursue a 'career' means continuing as a MFT (the never-ending pursuit for client hours), or to do something else that offers more direct validation (here's a task i completed, now pay me handsomely for it! one can only dream...:p)

i guess the only way to find out is to *try*

wedding banquet

hmm, blogger's got a new layout... i haven't played around enough with the old one to even miss it.

i meant to blog about this after my own wedding, just never got around to it until after amy jae's. 

i get it. i get why jesus compares his return to the analogy of a wedding banquet. it is a once in a lifetime event, extravagant (even small scale weddings are beautiful for the ceremony involved; here i'm picturing braveheart and a wedding amongst peasants in the scottish countryside :p... there's beauty in a ceremony where everything and everyone else steps aside for just one day, the day is reserved for the couple, interruptions are sacrilegious... there is a special dress, just a tad above an ordinary one, some adornment, a party as much as those can afford... something really special about weddings. in whatever ways each culture and people group can afford to, marriages, especially those made out of choice, are celebrated...)

there is something amazing about being surrounded by all your favorite family and friends.  all the ones that matter usually will find some way to be there

surrounded by so much love and support

vowing and promising yourself to your one

a future and lifetime of togetherness, whether in joyful or woeful circumstances

in the bible, jesus speaks of the church as his bride. who he laid down his life for to redeem. that's how much he loves her. he is the best answer to the world's search for love.

and on that day, the entire creation will celebrate this union. in the same way, all our family and friends came together for us (and only us) on that one special day, all of creation will celebrate when jesus and his bride, the church is reunited. no longer separated by sin or death or pain. he's conquered it all.

oh, what a celebration that's gonna be.

i'm betting on lots of dancing

:)

and on that similar note, i'm so glad we're married <3 c is an incredible, humble loving husband; it may have taken the long road but i do believe god knew what he was doing when our paths finally crossed. i hope to remember often the incredible love i have available to me. good friends' weddings are apt reminders of our journey...